How to Practice Healthy Communication In Relationships!
There are so many subtle habits that I didn’t realize I needed to adjust because they were habits of harm, and not habits of health. While I am still learning how to identify such patterns within myself, I thought to share my learnings so far.
Communication can seem like something that’s easy…just say what’s on your mind right, or just be honest and let it flow right? Wrong. It’s much more than that. It’s considering the space, and comprehension of who you are communicating to. If the receiver is not in a head space, environment etc to receive the message you are conveying; then that becomes a missed opportunity for healthy clear communication.
So, first things first. Read the room and know when to communicate about certain instances. Knowing when to communicate includes knowing if you yourself are in an emotional state of mind that will communicate peace and clarity, and not confusion. When we are angry, frustrated, irritated and annoyed; our communication can become harmed by very normal emotions. I’ve learned that it’s best to take some time before bringing up any topic while being frustrated. After all, the goal of communication is for the receiver to understand and comprehend. People can’t understand and comprehend you if you’re yelling, or emotionally flustered.
The next thing I’m learning to practice in healthy communication is avoiding any and all manipulation; specifically the silent treatment. The silent treatment is definitely manipulation because instead of courageously expressing a need, we avoid all communication in hopes of the receiver realizing that something is wrong, and adjusting behavior. That becomes a waste of time. How can anyone know what behavior to adjust if it’s not being communicated? I’m sure there has been a point where we all wish people could read minds, but since that’s not the case we have a better option; which is to simply communicate.
Now, while I’m organizing my thoughts to figure out what exactly is the root of my thoughts or feelings, I have to constantly remind myself to not make any assumptions. I am definitely guilty of assuming and jumping to conclusion, it’s a protective mechanism. If I can assume the worst, then I can prepare for the worst ahead of time. However, instead of that technique being used to protect you, it actually harms you by self sabotaging and interrupting your peace. So if you are an over thinker, then remind yourself that there is only so much you can think and plan out ahead of time. The fear of the unknown and uncertainty is a mess, but that’s life. If we knew every detail; we wouldn’t need faith and that’s purposeless.
Finally, one last thing that I’m learning to implement to build healthy communication habits is to step into the shoes of the person you’re speaking with. Practice empathy. There have been countless times where I was so focused on what was consuming my mind, it blinded me from considering that something could be potentially consuming the other person’s mind. Before putting everything out there, take a moment to gauge how they have been doing. Gauge if everything is okay, see their thoughts on what’s going on and then patiently decide when the best opportunity to communicate your topic is. It’s so important to not be insensitive to the needs and burdens of others just because we have needs and burdens ourselves. It shows genuine love when we can consider the other person before us, while still maintaining boundaries for self care and self love.
'Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. ' Philippians 2:3-4
This scripture is especially good when you find yourself in a cycle of living in your head. It seems like our thoughts can be so true until we say them out loud and realize that there are other parts to the story. So this post is an encouragement to you as much as it is to me, to get out of your head and practice healthy communication habits to nurture healthy relationships. I hope what I’m learning will help you on your journey to healthy communication. In the meantime, comment below any other tips you practice or how this post has directly impacted you. Can’t wait to talk soon.
Simply Shardae